Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
