so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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