My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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