Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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