Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
