You smell like stripper and shame
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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