i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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