i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
