I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
