Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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