Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
