Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
