My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize