apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
