you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
