Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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