My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
