am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i barfeds in our rink
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
