I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
