he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
