I feel great
I just peed on a car
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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