I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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