If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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