I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
