i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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