I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
