Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize