Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
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