apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
