Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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