please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
