just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
