Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
