He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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