do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
