it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
