Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
