Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize