i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
