I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
