I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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