hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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