I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
