I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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