I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
