Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize