Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize