1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
