Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
