wakey wakey hands off snakey
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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