i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm like, not good at living.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
