I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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