the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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