9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
