I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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