So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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