thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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