LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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