i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize