Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
