put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My liver is preforming stress tests.
how drunk are you?
Several
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
