dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
