My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone