the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
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You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
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He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.