please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.