You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
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Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
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Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?