I wish I could teleport
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again