walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize