Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
