i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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