Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
