the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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