This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
