How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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