Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
