Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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