I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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