So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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