OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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