Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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