I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
