You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
