Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
