M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
