Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
