Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We named our party play list daddy issues
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize