Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
this beer tastes like vomit already
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
worst night to have a conscience
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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