no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He felt like a one man threesome
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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