I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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