Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
