They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
