can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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