I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
