i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
