The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he was CRYING into my vagina
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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