i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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