The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
