Barsexuality is the new black.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize